What Now?

 Hello friends, family, and loved ones! I have been home from my mission trip for six weeks, and I have been in graduate school for almost four weeks. Time is a weird thing. I've been better about being present every day, but I still feel that sometimes I blink and I am already years down the road. I feel that I am finally somewhat adjusted back to normal life, but I still feel a piece missing. If I am honest, I am having a hard time finding and making time for the Lord. I pray, worship in the car, and talk to God throughout the day. I see Him working in my life every day, yet I lack the motivation to pick up my Bible and further my walk with Him. It was easy because in Kentucky I was ALL IN. I did not have the worries of finances, chores, school, and past life experiences hanging over my head. I felt clear and free to read my Bible and focus my attention on Him. I really don't want to fall into the same patterns I led before my mission trip, but here we are. Sam and I still go to church. We count our blessings. We spend time with friends. But I'm in the midst of this fog that I don't know how to get out of. I LOVE my management position at the UCO Bondi Bowls, and I feel God working through me to love others on campus. But now instead of living out God's clear plan for me each day like I did in Kentucky, I am in a THREE year program that must lead up to my calling from the Lord. But, I have also seen God's plan come to fruition when waiting for His timing. I find my classes interesting and incredibly applicable. I know what I am learning will translate into my later practice as a counselor. However, it is hard going from a place where I knew my purpose and lived it out every day to going to class once a week for the next three years. I know this is my purpose. I know God wants me to minister to adolescents and emerging adults. But I feel this sense of confusion. I know I must keep my eyes on God's end goal for me. I know that once I get through this program that I will jump right back into loving His people so well and helping them through life. I'm just stuck. I still love people every day, but it is in passing. I don't get to know them on a deep level. On top of all this, I miss my family in Kentucky every single day, and I want to start counting the days until I can go back. I miss the kiddos, the community, the love, the connections, and the hope. I miss experiencing God's presence every day. But, I hope that if I start making more time and being intentional with my relationship with God, I can find my way back to feeling His presence and His goodness. That's all for tonight folks. 

With love,

Lauren Mains